Integrative Parent Coaching

An Integrative Parent Coach is someone who has done their own inner work in their parenting journey. Their skills are an integration of many modalities they have studied, put into practice, and embodied.

The modalities I have studied and embody are Mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication, Mindful Self-Compassion, and Compassionate Inquiry.

Mindfulness: We look at situations you have reacted to and see where there is a possiblity of pausing before reacting — to notice what your thoughts are, the emotions that might be arising, and any physical sensations. This creates distance between stimulus and response and has a direct impact on how you respond to your child.

Nonviolent communication: I help you to distinguish observations (what is actually said or what actual actions were taken) without evaluation, feelings underneath reactions, and I help you connect to your own unmet needs. In this way, you may recognize your children are also expressing unmet needs through their behaviors / reactions. This dissolves the adversarial frame and creates a space for practical solutions to emerge.

Self-Compassion: I help you become aware when your inner critic shows up and explore ways to access your compassionate voice. I also provide the distinction between tender self-compassion (offering yourself the support you would to a good friend when they are struggling), and fierce self-compassion (setting boundaries and saying no). These two aspects of self-compassion complements each other and are necessary in order for change to take place.

Compassionate Inquiry: When you notice a recurring trigger, I will invite you to get curious about it. And if you are willing, I will hold space for you to explore at your own pace how the emotions and memories you may be experiencing are showing up in the body. You will begin to see that your most charged reactions are often old survival strategies. They helped you to cope with the pain, disconnection, and/or unmet needs from your childhood that are now being triggered by your child’s behavior. The result is perhaps a moment of genuine self-recognition in which you begin to feel compassion for your younger self and begin to let go of the reactive patterns that no longer serve you.

Integration: During a session I move in and out of these four modalities - depending on what is called for in the present moment.

Mindfulness brings your attention to what is happening in the present moment, not what is happening in the past or what might happen in the future. Nonviolent communication gives you a new language for not just understanding your kid(s), but also understanding yourself. Self-compassion ensures what is uncovered is met with warmth rather than criticism. And if there is consent to dive deeper, Compassionate Inquiry peels back the layers of a current trigger to see when the real trigger took place.

This process helps you to begin to relate to yourself differently. Overtime, this shift is what transforms not just a parent’s inner world, but the entire emotional climate of a family.

1. Break the cycle of reactivity,
2. Repair after rupture,
3. Communicate your needs with honesty,
4. Interrupt unhealthy intergenerational patterns,
5. A non-judgmental space to be a struggling human being.